Just This Once
by Fred-Weasley-Isn't-Dead
Summary: Clare's life is falling apart. Her parents were on the verge of divorice and she had become the last thing that anyone expected of her; she had become a burner. Its up to Eli to put the pieces back together. Now the only question is can he?
1. Chapter One

Just This Once

Yes, I am a Degrassi executive, aged fifteen years old and not even in Canada! How amazing am I? 

Clare Edwards had become the last thing that anyone expected of her; she had become a burner. It was now, as she looked in the mirror, did she see what she had done to herself. She didn't burn her arms, it was far too cliché for her. Too simple, she supposed. She figured you get tired of simplicity when your most trusted confident was Eli Goldsworthy. Alli was starting to drift, but they were still friends. Jenna and KC could go die in a hole, for all Clare was concerned. Darcy was still in Africa. Adam had his own problems to worry about. She had no one. Sure, she had Eli, but she knew all too well he would flip out on her if she told him he was harming herself. It all started when her parents began fighting.

_-Flashback- _

"_Randall, just come with me just this once!" Mrs. Helen Edwards shouted at her husband, on the verge of begging._

"_No Helen! I love our kids but I am sick and tired of these fundraisers. We go to every single one. They'll have to get used to us not being there!" Randall Edwards screamed back. Clare, in the sanctuary of her room, sighed and flinched as she heard something break downstairs. She mustered up all the guts she could find in herself and marched down the spiral staircase, her face quickly contorting to a pained mask with tears leaking out of her eyes. When she rounded the corner, she saw her father bent over a shattered vase with a mixture of tulips, peonies, irises and daffodils scattered not too far in front of him, lying in a small puddle of water. Her father hacked and gingerly picked up the broken pieces of the vase._

"_Stop it!" She shrieked, "Just stop!" _

_Helen quickly stopped her pacing and crossed the room to her daughter. "Stop what, Sweetheart?" She asked kindly, no indication that she was yelling at Clare's father only moments ago._

"_Stop arguing! I can hear you from my room!"_

"_Clare, your father and I aren't arguing. We're simply having a discussion; grown up things, Sweetheart, you wouldn't understand."_

_Clare sniffled. "I understand more than you realize, Mom. You didn't notice Darcy was having problems and it was because of your ignorance that we almost lost her!" Clare accused, her body wracked with tears and her voice intensely distraught. _

"_Clare, please go upstairs and get ready for the fundraiser. You're father won't be joining us tonight."_

_Clare turned on her heel and started up the stairs, her blue eyes glistening as she stormed past her parents' bathroom. She crept inside as stealthily as she could, peeping in the medicine cabinet over the toilet for something, a razor blade, pills, anything. Instead, a cigarette lighter popped out and clanked softly into the porcelain sink. Clare wondered whose it could be, her mother's or her father's? She noticed her father had been coughing a lot more than usual, no way could it be a common cold and they'd all been immunized with the flu vaccine last month. It must've been her fathers. Poking around the cabinet, she discovered several more lighters and decided it wouldn't hurt to take just this one. She hurried back to her room, smuggling the lighter in her jean pocket with her shirt draped over it as to hide it. When she landed in the safety of her room, she closed the door tightly and wished she had a lock on it, but her parents felt that their children should have nothing to hide from them and therefore should not have a lock. _

"_Just this once." She whispered and rolled her shirt up to her bra line and twisted the lighter open with her thumb and index finger. She flicked it on and brought the fire down upon her ribs, wincing at the first contact but suddenly felt a numb sensation coming over the area where flame met skin. A scar was already beginning to form. Clare repeated the process several more times, keeping it to her rib cage, right near the bra line. She smiled at the small scars and pulled off her clothes, scampering to her closet and plucking a nice dress, church approved, she threw it over her body, put a headband in her hair and slipped on a pair of flats. She grinned at her reflection in the mirror, pressed a tender hand to her ribs and hurried down the stairs to meet her mother._

_-Flashback Over-_

Clare looked over all the damage to her body. Her scars had been extended all the way down to her belly-button. She touched each one of them, pushing down ever so lightly to see if she still found it painful. They weren't. A loud slam came from across the hall. Her parents were fighting again. She pulled the lighter from deep in her desk drawer, connecting the flame to her taut stomach flesh. She felt the same burning sensation before the relief came and she sighed, contentedly. Her computer pinged, making her drop the lighter which was, thankfully, unlit by now. Clare rolled the bottom of her shirt down and took her time making her way to the computer. She knew it was Eli. It was _always_ Eli. And Eli could wait. It was only fair for the way he made her heart beat erratically whenever she was around him. Sure enough, Eli's screen name popped up on her monitor.

**Hey Blue-Eyes. What's going on? **

Clare rolled her eyes at his casual use of the nickname he'd given her.

'**Just burning myself.' **Clare had typed, but backspaced it, hesitating before retyping a new message. **Nothing, enjoying the quiet of my parents' temporary cease fire. **

**Is that why you were typing and then hesitated and resumed typing?**

**Actually I got dust in my eye and typed 'Zugf=rfgarf' **

**Nice job Edwards. Now maybe you can tell me what's really wrong. **

Clare panicked for a moment. Had Eli always been so perceptive? Her fingers hovered over her keypad for a minute before typing a reply. **There's nothing wrong. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Alli on her sleepover plans for tonight. **With that, Clare signed off and leaned back in her chair, resting her head on her arms after shoving her keypad aside.

Meanwhile, Eli Goldsworthy frowned at the computer and Clare's parting words. Something was up. He mentioned that something may be wrong and she suddenly found a reason to log off. Not the Clare he knew. He understood the stress of having your parents argue but didn't get why she felt she had to lie to him. He, of all people, understood pain. Of course, her lying was just an assumption, but Eli's assumptions normally tended to be right. He checked his friends list to see that Alli was online. He didn't know why he had Alli on his friends list, he just though it might come in handy. This wasn't what he had in mind. He quickly typed a message to Alli.

**Hey Bhandari? **

Her reply came immediately. **Yes, Goldsworthy?**

**Are you having a sleepover tonight?**

**No, Eli. And even when I do have a sleepover, no boys allowed.**

**That wasn't why I asked. **Eli's mental voice hissed

**Then why ****did**** you ask?**

**Nothing. Curiosity.**

**Curiosity killed the cat.**

**Ignorance killed the cat, curiosity was framed. Besides, I can't die.**

**Later Eli.**

**Bye Alli.**

Eli smirked at the computer. He was right. Then he frowned. That means Clare _was _lying to him. He picked up his phone, entered his messaging menu and clicked the first name which, of course, was hers.

_Hey Clare? You know you can talk to me if something is wrong, right?_

Her response came a few minutes later. She was probably deciding if she should text him back. That was one of the things that he liked about Clare. She was just so easy to read. He also found she was a hopeless liar. Either that or he was scarily perceptive. It could go either way.

Over in the Edwards house, Clare lay on her stomach, facing the end of her bed. She bit her lip as she read the words Eli had typed over and over. Her mind was reeling as she tried to figure out what she should do. Tell him what she had done to herself? No. She wasn't going to a rehab for something like that. Clare Edwards was perfectly fine, thank you very much. She could lie. Yeah, she could. It's not like Eli could read her mind or listen to the way she spoke. Yeah, it wouldn't hurt to lie to Eli one time.

_Yes, Eli. I know that and if something was wrong, I would talk to you about it._

Eli responded instantly. _That's all that matters._

Clare took an uneasy breath and texted Eli for a bit, her mind still wrapped around the fact that she had just lied to Eli. She was more amazed that he hadn't called her out on it yet. "Get a grip on yourself, Edwards. He can't hear you and he can't see you. It won't kill anyone to lie to Eli, just this once.


	2. Chapter Two

Just This Once

Chapter Two

Clare groaned as Ms. Dawes told them to pair up. That would mean dodging Eli's interrogation while trying to do school work. She had purposely chosen the desk in the very front, near the window, away from Eli, who sat in the very back by the door. She turned her head to see butterflies flutter past the window, not a care in the world. How she wished they could trade places. Have them avoid Eli's probing questions and let Clare take to the air with their beautiful wings. The blue sky above her, green grass beneath her, nothing but open air, instead of being trapped in this concrete jungle. A movement next to her snatched her fantasy away and Clare knew she was never getting it back.

"Hey Blue-Eyes." Eli greeted as he pulled the chair from the desk next to hers and sat it on the side of her desk, leaning on the wood/plasticy thing that desks are made of.

"Eli." Clare kept her voice cool, not looking away from the window, trying to put her mind back where it was but with Eli next to her, there was no chance of that happening.

Eli hesitated for a moment before realizing that Clare was not going to be giving instructions. "So, our paper is on To Kill a Mockingbird and we have to try to reason why the red geraniums were outside the Ewell house and their symbolic meaning so if you'll turn to the page, we can-."

"Wait." Clare demanded, whipping her head around. "You're not pressuring me into telling you what happened last night, which, of course, I would never tell you, but still? Why aren't you pressuring me?" She spat out in one big blurb.

Eli paused, trying to decipher her verbal outburst with a confused face. When he finally figured out what she said, he shrugged and pulled his copy of the book from his bag, somehow in perfect condition, despite the fact it was, you know, in his bag. "I…" He thought for a moment, trying to find a good way to phrase the words. "I get wanting to keep something a secret. It's no new concept to me. Some things aren't meant to be told, some things are. If you don't want to tell me, it's your decision and I'm not going to force you into telling me if you don't want to." Eli tilted his head back, looking at the ceiling for a moment, his eyes searching for something, but it wasn't above him, it was in his mind.

Clare gaped like a fish but quickly regained her wits. "Wow….thanks Eli." She beamed at him before grabbing her own copy of the book from inside her binder pocket, tracing the lines where it had strained against the novel.

"Clare, just one thing." He insisted

"Sure, anything." She murmured absently, flipping to whatever page the yellow roses were on.

"If you're hurting yourself, tell me, alright?"

Clare didn't lift her eyes from the book, trying not to raise any of his suspicions, but nodded. Eli's eyes watched her every move, the way her eyes widened when he mentioned self-harm, how she kept one arm close to her stomach at all times, all the little things that made her tick. He was going to find out, because from two simple movements, Eli Goldsworthy knew that Clare Edwards hurt herself and he was not going to let her do that to her body. Nothing was going to harm his Clare.

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**Author's Note: Hello! So, this was mainly just a filler chapter but I wanted Eli to realize that something was seriously wrong. Also, I know it's really short but there wasn't much I could do with this particular scene. Am I too out of character? I don't really watch the new seasons that much. I kinda dropped it season nine. Please message me with any comments, questions, flames. Yeah, you can flame me if you want but keep it to my inbox if you would. So, yeah. That's it.**

**Peace out,**

**Julie**


	3. Chapter Three

Just This Once

Chapter Three

The female population of Degrassi's third period Gym was currently changing in the locker rooms. There were girls gossiping at the lockers instead of changing, girls groaning about their appearances in the mirror and girls simply changing. The girls gossiping? Bianca and her 'clique' as Bianca liked to call them. Everyone else at Degrassi called it her gang. The ones detest their looks? Jenna and Alli. Alli was complaining about her pores and peach fuzz, while Jenna just bitched about her stomach. Clare was the girl who just changed, keeping her face to the lockers while she pulled on her regulation blue shorts and yellow top, so used to the pattern of hiding her scars from the world. Since most of the girls were gone, Clare spun around while she grabbed her white sneakers from the floor, shoving her feet in them. She pushed her way out of the door, ignoring the 'Saint Clare' comments from Bianca and not glancing in Alli and Jenna's direction. She made her way to the bleachers, her eyes frantically searching for Eli. Her heart wanted him around but her mind was seriously freaked out about what he said before. Sitting down carefully on a bench, she felt eyes probing her body. If she was right, and she normally was, the eyes were a shade of piercing emerald green. Seconds later, Eli Goldsworthy was seated next to her and had his arm rather close to hers. Clare hoped he didn't see her cheeks burn the same shade of her hair as the blood rushed into them before returning to normal.

"Hey Blue-Eyes." Eli smiled a bit at her. Clare bit back a grin and turned her head to look at him.

"Do you ever intend on not calling me that?" She smirked, already knowing his answer, because she knew Eli almost as much as Eli knew her. _Almost. _ She was easier to read than a kiddie picture book to him.

"Hmmm, nope." Eli smirked back before relaxing his arms on the bleachers behind him, tilting his head back.

"Didn't think so." Clare trailed off at a loss for words, gazing at the banner at the opposite side of the gym. Eli always supplied the conversation topics. Unfortunately for her, she wouldn't like this next one.

"So, how long have you been hurting yourself?" Eli asked casually. As if it was no different than asking '_How's school going?_'

Clare did a double take. "I'm sorry, what?"

Eli didn't even blink as he struggled to capture her blue eyes. "You heard me, Edwards. I know you're hurting yourself. Now tell me your method and how long." He demanded, finally winning the struggle and pinning her eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about. No marks." She lied, showed her both arms and wrist. Without warning, Eli lifted her shirt to reveal her many scars. "What the heck, perv?" She would've smacked him if he didn't use his other hand to get her wrists.

"Why Clare?" He asked, his voice sounding incredibly strained. "Why would you do that to yourself?" His grip went slack. Clare took the opportunity to pry his hand off her wrists.

"You don't know what my life is like." Clare uttered in a whisper.

"Like hell I don't." Eli glared before leaving to talk to Adam.

Clare sighed and closed her eyes, her hands finding the bottom of her shirt and yanking it down to her stomach again. Her hand instinctively went for her bag but it was back in the locker room. Her hand fell through air. She curled her pale fingers into fists and huffed, her impressive mind whirling as she attempted to figure out where she could go and what she could do. She could feel two sets of eyes scanning her body. She could almost guarantee that at least two of the eyes were jade green and the other stormy blue that border lined grey. She wanted to go ditch class, run until she found a nice secluded hallway and burn herself. Instead, she stood up calmly, making her way to Coach Armstrong. With a perfectly serious expression and widened, panicked sapphire eyes she asked if she could be excused.

"Might I ask why?" He looked over her nose at her, his pen gripped tightly in one hand while his plasticy clipboard rested in the crook of his elbow. Clare bit her lip and gave him a look that said, '_Feminine problems.' _ If there was one thing she learned from high school, it's that the period excuse got you out of anything. "Alright, go ahead." He pulled out his pass book and quickly scribbled a pass excusing her to the nurse's office while Clare simply looked strained and kept her legs squeezed tight. He handed her the slip of paper and Clare acted out a relived sigh and hurried away to the locker room to grab her bag. Before she left the gym, she turned on her sneaker clad heel and when she was sure Armstrong wasn't couldn't see her, she blew a kiss in Eli's direction and gave a wave that she paired with a smug smile. She could practically hear Eli growl and sigh but he did nothing to stop her.

Clare snatched her bag from her gym locker, changed out of her smelly athletic clothes and was pulling her shirt down all the way when Alli and Jenna made a sudden reappearance in the locker room. Clare cursed her PG curses inwardly and realized they must've been in the bathroom.

"Clare." Alli began cautiously. "What's that on your stomach?" She'd noticed her bruises. Not. Good.

Clare forced herself to remain calm and smiled a dazzling smile at Alli, not even sparing a glance in Jenna's direction. "Oh, it's nothing. I was volunteering at the animal shelter yesterday and the dogs were playing rough. I had to separate them and I got a few souvenirs." There. She was still Saint Clare. They would buy that. She made a mental note to be more careful. She already used a really bad excuse. They were just oblivious enough not to call her out on it. _Just. _

"Oh. You're gonna need to be more careful Clare-Bear." Jenna attempted. Clare merely glared her down while inside she was flipping them off.

"Thanks Jenna." Clare smiled fakely, something she picked up from Eli whenever she saw him being smart with Fitz, cocking her head to the side. "I'll be sure to do that. Maybe you should be more careful about what you eat." She picked out a strand of memory from a few minutes ago when she saw Jenna groaning about her belly and barely restrained herself from calling her Tubbers. But her conscience was nagging her already for using Jenna's insecurities.

Jenna gasped and brought a hand to her stomach, tears welling in her bright blue eyes. She sniffed and hastily swiped at the teardrops threatening to spill over. Storming away, she tilted her head to the ugly grey-white floor and you could hear feeble cries escaping from her mouth.

Alli's gaped at Clare, her eyes disbelieving what had just happened. "That was totally uncalled for, Clare." She hissed disgusted, and turned away from her former best friend to comfort Jenna.

Clare, feeling wholly upset at herself, turned towards the mirror. Instead of seeing Clare Edwards, innocent church attendee, best friend of Eli Goldsworthy and Adam Torres; she saw Holly J. Sinclair, queen bee of Degrassi, the girl who's not afraid to tear down anyone in her path. Shuddering, Clare shook her head frantically and blinked the guilt away from her eyes, trying to get back her own image. She pushed the locker room door open and took small, quiet steps that seemed to echo in the empty halls of Degrassi. As she managed a few steps it hit her. She was skipping class. Clare Edwards, naive private school uniform wearer, bystander in the almost-rape of Darcy Edwards, was gone. In her place was a girl that befriended a female to male transgender, crushed on a leather-wearing, Hearse driving boy. She turned into a girl who used others insecurities to her own advantage, who burned herself. Sitting down in front of the school portrait, she closed her eyes and hitched the side of her shirt up to her waist. Pulling out her lighter, she lit the flame and brought it down on her skin, hissing at the contact. A voice quickly got her fumbling to stow her light out of view and tugging her shirt down. Before her stood Sav Bhandari and he did _not_ look pleased. His facial features were composed in a mask of anger and confusion. Clare wasn't about to spread any light on her situation.

"Clare, what were you doing?"

"I had _problems._" She put extra emphasis on the words, hoping to convey her fake menstrual cycle.

Thankfully, he got the message. "Then you go to the nurse and go back to class." He was quite used to having these talks with Alli and having them with his sister's friend was not as awkward as it seemed to be.

"Well Sav, you try having your period, trying not to give anything away, feeling guilty about insulting the girl who _stole your boyfriend._ Then we'll talk." Her words came running out of her mouth before she could stop them and her cheeks burned when she realized she might've given something away. She prayed to God he wouldn't notice.

"Wait, what do you mean 'trying not to give anything away'?" Sav asked suspiciously. "Clare, what's wrong."

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**Author's Note: Twenty-seven reviews. You guys are seriously amazing. I've been working on this chapter for a week because I kept going back and erasing the parts that didn't flow and I didn't like. I figured you guys deserved a nice, long chappie because of the wait. But I honest to God love this chapter so much. I think it just may be one of my favorite things I've ever written. I just love the idea of Sav being a brother figure to a Clare and having Clare lose herself amidst a bunch of drama. But I hope you liked it. Review. So yeah. **

**Peace out. **

**Julie.**


	4. Chapter Four

Just This Once

Chapter Four

"Nothing's wrong. Just not in the mood to deal with people." Clare shrugged idly. Sav's brown eyes penetrated Clare's as she made slow progress to put her lighter in her bag. Too bad Sav caught her movements and bent down in front of her. Before the light could reach her purse, it was in his hand.

"Why do you have this?" He questioned, holding it in front of her face.

Clare scowled and reached for her lighter. "That's mine! Give it back!" She demanded. Sav slid it in his back pocket and gave her a challenging look that said, '_If you want it so much, go get it.' _Clare groaned and rested her head against the mural.

"Why do you have this?" Sav repeated, a bit forcefully. Clare squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the skin on the inside of her wrist.

"I wasn't going to torch the school, if that's what you're implying." Clare scoffed, digging her nails into the flesh. She could already feel the skin break and oozing ruby red blood come sliding out. She recoiled a bit from the pain in a different form than she was used to and hissed. Sav sighed and pried her nails out of her flesh. Clare slapped his hand and dug around in her bag for a tissue. Pressing one against her wrist, she resumed her glare contest with her friend's brother.

"I didn't think you were. I think that you're smoking."

Clare faked a gulp and avoided his eyes. Win! Sav was totally clueless. "You're right." She darted her eyes everywhere, twiddling her fingers. Sav held his hand out and she gave him a confused look, slyly shoving her bag behind her back.

"Clare, give me your bag." Sav ordered.

"Eli already took my cigarettes." Clare blurted out, clamping her hands to her mouth seconds after. Crud, crud, crud! Now Sav could just _go _to Eli and ask. She did not think that through.

Sav gave her a look but let her off the hook. "Let me catch you with a lighter again and I will personally drag you to the office." He threatened. Clare nodded, her rusty curls bouncing up and down as she did so. She stood up, slung her bag over her shoulder and crumpled up the tissue. "Now, can I trust you to walk back to class by yourself or do I need to walk you?" Clare rolled her eyes, brushed past him and threw the tissue into the nearest trash bin.

She took her time walking to the gym, fearing Eli's wrath. Man, did she have the right idea for Eli ambushed her the second she stepped foot onto the shiny polished floor. He gripped her elbow and dragged her to the corner of the gym, where he backed her into the corner and glared poison tipped daggers down at her, frowning.

"Where the hell have you been, Edwards?" He snapped.

Clare pursed her lips and tried to push past Eli but he roughly her pushed her back into her spot. "Ow, ass." Clare hissed. Eli's face quickly went from pissed off to apologetic when he realized he just caused Saint Clare to curse.

"Clare. I'm sorry but I'm just…worried." He sighed after a moment. That's exactly what he was. Worried for her. He rubbed her arm tenderly where he just squeezed and tried a more gentle approach. "Where did you go?" He looked directly into her eyes and Clare knew in an instant lying would do her no good.

"I went to the mural. Sav found me and told me to go back to class." She rushed out, avoiding his eyes.

"Interesting." Eli murmured, his emerald eyes staring off. Clare sighed and moved away from him. Keeping her eyes down, she made her way to Adam.

"Hey Adam." She smiled at him.

"Clare." Adam replied coolly.

"What is this, Give Clare the Cold Shoulder day?" She snorted.

"I dunno. Is it?" Adam's grey eyes met her blue ones and drilled into them. Clare shifted uncomfortably. "Eli told me Clare." He heaved a sigh. "And you know you can talk to me, right?" Clare looked away. "Right?" He repeated.

"Yes."

"Okay. Now tell me what you do to yourself." He prodded her side. She hissed.

"Ouch!" She muttered, slapping his hand away. Adam blew upwards and pointed towards her hip. "That where…?" He trailed off.

"Yeah, that's where." She rubbed her side tenderly, pulling her knees to her chest.

"How?"

"I-I burned myself." She admitted, tracing light patterns up and down her legs. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Adam peek inside her bag, looking for her lighter. "Sav took it." She muttered.

Adam nodded and snuck a look at Eli.

"No!" Clare caught his glance. "No, no, no, don't you dare tell Eli!" She demanded.

"I have to Clare! The guy's my best friend and you're my best friend and friends don't let friends hurt themselves." Adam insisted, standing up, despite Clare's desperate attempt to drag him back down.

"But he'll tell Sauvé." Clare whined.

"We _both_ will." Adam sighed, jumping down from the bleachers and going over to Eli.

Clare moaned, spared a glance in their direction and for the second time that day, fled from the gym.

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**Author's Note: Well, aren't you all a bunch of luckie-duckies? Two updates in one weekend. This chapter is a piece of **_**CRAP**_**. If feel like it's so messy and all over the place. Now, you all have Aradeia to thank for this second update because I had her 'hanging by a thread'. Also, thanks to all the other reviewers:**

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**FanFicCrazy24**

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**And a whole bunch of others who reviewed but they don't have an account, using anonymous. I encourage you to get an account and write on your own! Writing saves people from boredom! **

**Flame me if you want, Private Messages only, please. Review if you want. I won't object.**

**Peace out,**

**Julie. **


	5. Chapter Five

Just This Once

Chapter Five

Clare sighed and rested her head against the tree she and Eli had visited during the second English class together. So much had changed. She had changed. She was no longer the church girl that innocently flirted with her polar opposite. She was a girl who cut class, made another cry. Walking over to the bench, she ran her hand along the top of it, remembering when he made her scream to prove she didn't care what other people thought. She perched herself on the bench, bringing her legs to her chest and rested her head on her knees.

"I thought I would find you here." A voice whispered behind her, making her jump a bit. Twisting her head around, she saw Eli standing behind the bench.

"Hi." She whispered, putting her head back on her knees.

Eli moved to sit next to her. "I'm sorry I was so rough before."

Clare shrugged. "It's okay."

"No, it's not." He insisted. "I shouldn't have been like that before. That's not how you're supposed to help burners or cutters."

Clare looked up with curiosity. "How would you know?"

"My friends from last year were cutters."

"Oh." She rolled up her shirt to her waist. Her pale skin was flush with scars. Eli, unthinkingly, ran a hand over the scars.

"Holy crap Blue-Eyes." He muttered.

"There's more. Showing them to you would be a bit inappropriate." She admitted.

"Oh, Clare. Why would you do this to yourself?"

"My parents. The Degrassi drama." She shook her head miserably and paired it with a shrug, sniffling. "And…never mind." She didn't want to let Eli know that he was a reason.

"Come on Clare. You can tell me." He cajoled gently.

"You." She murmured, almost inaudibly.

Eli didn't look particularly surprised. "I know I've been hot and cold about us, Edwards. And I'm sorry." He gently laced his fingers through hers.

"Eli, I-"She started before Eli softly pressed his lips to her, silencing her.

"All in due time, Clare." He hummed against her temple. Clare closed her eyes and went to speak again. It seemed Eli would not allow this and kept putting his lips against hers. Clare smiled into the kisses; they were supple and moved in perfect unison, as though they were made for each other. When she pulled away, he tugged lightly on her hand, getting her on her feet. "Back to class for you. Skip too much and you'll turn into me." He teased with a smirk.

"I certainly hope not." She smiled, but it wasn't with all her heart. She just hoped Eli couldn't tell.

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**Author's Note: Hello my luffies. I'm back from my short little break. I'm not gonna BS an excuse about why I didn't update, I just wasn't feeling this story. But now I am so wahoo for you. Sowwy it's so short (That's what he said!) but I just felt like writing this because it's just so damn cute. Anyways, I know that you probably think I'm going to fast (Insert sex joke here) but I have some devious twist and turns for later on in the story. (Add evil laughter) Also, please check out my story **_**Keep it Together. **_**If you have, then drop me a review. I don't wanna sound like I'm desperate for them, but I kinda am. (Prepare for more Story-Spam) And **_**Drown, **_**por favor. I'm sorta desperate for reviews.**

**Peace out,**

**Julie**


	6. Chapter Six

Just This Once

Chapter Six

Clare felt Eli guide her through the crowded hallways full of curses, laughter, and mindless chatter. It smelled like Axe and Princess by Vera Wang. The only reason Clare could tell was because she had the same perfume at home. She picked out the hints of vanilla in the air and inhaled it. The scent was comforting and helped to fill the gap in her stomach. Eli had made it look like they'd been in the school the whole time, flowing effortlessly into the crowd. She spotted Sav from a bit away, watching her carefully, not even bothering to hide it. She squirmed uncomfortably, and weaved in between the students that flooded the halls, dragging Eli along with her by default, as they were linked by their hands. When they had landed on the other side of the hallway, Eli must've caught someone's eye and began to walk over.

"Where are we going?" She asked, hoping to keep nervousness out.

"I have to go talk to Sav. He texted me before." He explained.

Clare stopped dead. She didn't want to be there when Sav figured out she lied to him. "Umm, I think I'll go find Adam."

Eli didn't miss her hesitation. "Everything okay, Blue-Eyes?"

"Aside from the obvious? Yeah. Everything is good." She let his hand go. Eli reached down and took her face in his hands, kissing her on the lips for a good few moments. When they finally broke apart, he gave her hand a final parting squeeze and left to find Sav.

Clare hurried away from the scene that was about to unfold. They were bound to figure out that she hadn't told the truth and she hoped to be in British Colombia when they did. She was making good progress when a hand shot out from the side and grabbed her arm, tugging her off to the side. She let out a squeak but sighed when she saw it was just Adam.

"Hey, come with me." Adam demanded softly. He didn't wait for her answer before taking her wrist gently and led her to the memorial garden for JT York. He sat her down on the bench and took the seat next to her. "There's something you need to see."

"Whatever it is you're going to show me, Adam, I'm really not in the mood to find out." She muttered, standing up and going to the door. Adam was faster and was leaning against the door way before she could get there.

"No, you're going to stay and you're going to listen." He stated firmly.

Clare tried to push past him and open the door. "You can't tell me what to do."

"It involves me and burning." He blurted, still trying to fend off Clare, who stopped moving at his words.

"You….burning…what?" She screeched.

Adam grabbed her upper arms. "Sit first." He ordered, steering her towards the bench. After a few moments hesitation, Clare perched herself lightly on the bench and looked up at Adam expectantly. "Okay, when I was….Gracie, I would burn myself to find an…..escape." He murmured, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his hairpin burns. Clare gasped and ran a hand over the scars unthinkingly.

"Adam, that's so stupid! You shouldn't burn yourself just because you were in the wrong body. It's just such a bad idea, I mean it's harmful, it's dangerous, and overall only dense people do that."

"Clare, I don't think you get it, I-" Adam let Clare cut him off. He had her right where he wanted her.

"No, I don't care; it's reckless, idiotic-" Clare was on her feet now, pacing.

"And exactly what you're doing?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"That is entirely different." She stopped her motion and looked at him.

"No, Clare, it really isn't. You're burning yourself because you're looking for an escape."

"I'll see you later." Her voice cracked as she spoke. As she hurried from the garden, she swore she could hear Adam whisper 'The truth hurts.'

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**Author's Note: I'm back! Did you miss me? Anyway, sorry this chapter was so short but I rather like it. I promise I'll start updating more often. Anyway, can we make it to eighty reviews? If we can? BAMF (Bad-ass motherfucker.) If not, I'll still update.**

**Oh and did anyone else see the new commercial for next week. Jenna and Sav? No way, nu-uh. I nearly flipped a shit. I am Sanya. I put up with Solly J. purely because it was just supposed to be till graduation. But I will not stand for Jav. Senna? Ewww, it sounds gross. If you ship this then get the fuck out. Oh, relax, I'm kidding. But seriously, I won't read it. I'll only tolerate it if they break up two episodes later.**

**Peace out,**

**Julie**


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